I have been pretty quiet on this blog for a while. When life gets busy, something has got to give, and my blog has taken a bit of a back seat.
Until recently, when my little Amy had to put together an ‘all about me’ box to take into nursery, and I decided to look here for photographs. For the next few hours I was lost in a world of amazing memories and feelings, just reading my own words and being transported back to those moments. I’ve decided that those moments are far too precious not to record, and I am going to make an extra effort to record those moments and photographs forever.
A New Kitchen Table & Chairs
A few weeks ago we bought a new kitchen table and chairs and soon after realised that the booster seat for our toddler wasn’t going to fit underneath.
Ava is just at that awkward age where she isn’t quite big enough to sit in a big seat, but her booster seat meant we could fasten her in securely and she was at a good height to sit comfortably at the table.
I am not quite ready for her to sit in a normal seat either. She loves jumping down from her chair mid meal, and climbing onto the table and across to the nearest cake or adult when she isn’t strapped in. Cake trumps adult EVERY time. This can get messy as she doesn’t mind knocking over cups of juice or kneeling in spaghetti!
We decided to buy a Ikea highchair, just because we were visiting IKEA soon afterwards and they are really good value at just £9. This leaves us with an empty seat at our table, and an empty seat makes Amy very sad. She has an interesting solution for this problem, another baby!
I am always shocked when we have this conversation, which we have at least twice a month from the biggest three children (Ava isn’t interested in another baby, unless it comes with cake!).
They know from experience that babies take up a lot of time. I have to tell them countless times a day that I can’t help them for a few minutes because I am busy with another sibling, and they have to wait or find another solution. Or I have to dash to the next room mid conversation when I hear a scream. When we have more than one child crying at once and I need to prioritise who needs me the most, I feel a pang of guilt that I can’t be in two places at once.
So I am always amazed they are so completely happy to add to our household.
But its impossible. We decided a few years ago, that a fourth child would also be our last, and soon after Ava was born Mr T had a vasectomy.
We were both certain it was the right decision for our not-so-little family, but even so I cried afterwards, and a little part of my heart wondered if we had done the right thing.
Almost 18 months on and I am sure we have made the right decision. Before we fell pregnant with Ava I knew something was missing, I couldn’t describe it but I felt incomplete. Now Ava is here, (spaghetti covered knees and all), I don’t feel that anymore.
I am excited to be saying goodbye to the baby toys, the cot and the toddler cups. I am so grateful to sleep through on the nights on the rare occasion that Ava sleeps through. At the same time all those things are bundled with other emotions, and I get really sentimental.
As parents we give ourselves such an hard time, because parenting is hard work and we all want the best for our little ones. But life with children is hectic, especially all the extra housework, cooking, washing, cleaning shopping and school runs that come as part of this exhausting but amazing bundle of parenthood.
Most of the time I don’t mind asking the children to wait, or saying no, but occasionally when I have to say no to having a tour around James Minecraft mansion, (for the third time) I feel awful.
But knowing that they would all so happily add to our organised chaos, makes me think that maybe, just maybe, our balance is okay.
And maybe I should be giving myself a bit of a break from that guilt.